Center Ring

Come one come all to this freak show called my life
Come on in and experience all of the strife

Emotions abound to the left and right
Pay the right price and I will give them to you for the night

Rage above, anger below, confusion all around, time to enjoy the show
You sit there and laugh, grinning from ear to ear while I say to myself if only you could know

Gasping in awe at the center ring
Out come the demons with my heart on a string

Black as night and cold to the touch
I yearn for my heart to be back in my chest ever so much

The demons do laugh and taunt me with it so
Tossing it around to and fro

Finally I get mad and jump in the mix
Grabbing my heart and hoping it is something I can fix

Placing it in my chest I feel it trying to start
Oh how long it has been since I last felt my heart

Slowly the warmth returns to my soul
No more anger and hate, I finally feel whole

Waking up I gasp and feel at my chest
Feeling my heart beating I lie back down to rest.

Deception of the heart

Passion and fear; love and hate
Even with all these emotions we cannot relate

You go left and I go right
We still want to be together but it’s always a fight

Tears and heartache; laughter and smiles
Harboring hate but loving you all the while

You’re my addiction that I cannot push away
I think of you night and day

Eventually I know the time will come, for us to part
But when we do you will always be in, and have my heart.

Anam Cara (soul friend)

Loving, loyal, devoted friend;
I know not how I will deal when it comes to the end

You have been with me through good times and bad;
And hopefully those memories together shall overcome the sad

When you were little there was such fire in your eyes;
Now I see a wizened creature who has never told me lies

When the time comes I will be with you up to the end
Knowing your spirit will always be with me and your love it will send.

Balance

Passion flows free in my veins
But like the moon it waxes and wanes

Up and down and even side to side
I open myself up, for no longer can I hide

I try to stop if from flowing free
Yet the more I try the more I know it will be

Light and dark merge into one
The fight for balance has now begun

From the fold my true self begins to grow
And now I know that what I reap I also must sow

Triumph

Life is a tangled web we weave;
For ourselves and others we do deceive.

We walk out the door smile and say hi;
Yet inside all we want to do is curl up and cry.

Pushing on we tell ourselves everything will be alright;
But pretending will not scare away all of the fright.

Our hopes have been dashed and our dreams swept away;
Should we stand and fight or turn and walk away?

Giving up is an option most will choose;
No matter how much they stand to loose.

But if you stay strong and persevere through the rough times ahead;
You will still come out on top no matter what is done or said.

Again and again till the end......................

My love bursts forth from my soul like the rays of the morning sun;
Only to be turned back, for your heart I have not won.

Determined I attempt to break down your walls;
Getting back up every time I fall.

Pushing me away will do you no good;
I too have been just where you stood.

Let me in and you will finally see;
All that is between us and what it can be.

Decision

Sitting and waiting, pacing the floor.
Scared to find out what lies beyond the door.

Daring to hope and pray and love.
Should you make your plea to below or above?

Both offer life with a different price to pay.
To the right salvation, to the left led astray.

A decision to make and a life to save.
To stand strong to the right, or to the left and cave.

You decide to choose neither and blaze a path of your own.
On the left you plant your seed, and on the right reap what you have sown.

Battle

Spiraling Spiraling
Out of control

Wondering Wondering
About my soul

Grasping Grasping
Searching for hope

Looking Looking
Finding a rope

Pondering Pondering
Accepting my fate

Emotions Emotions
Feelings of hate

Climbing Climbing
Towards the light

Accepting Accepting
No more fight

Gift

The spiders silk shines so bright,
As it glistens in the silvery moonlight.

Patient, silent, deadly, and fast;
Once on her web long you will not last.

The venom is strong and her aim is true,
You’ll be breathing your last breath before you even have a clue.

Around and around she’ll wrap you up tight,
Saving you for a meal later on in the night.

Though through your death, suffering, and strife,
Your sacrifice will give the spider her life.

Passionate Fear

While the heart screams yes, begging for affection,
The brain screams no, and fights for protection.

Feelings of joy battle with feelings of fear,
While he tells you all the things you've always wanted to hear.

"What did I do" you think "to deserve all of this?"
Yet all your lips can think about is that last gentle kiss.

Can two souls unite and possibly become one?
Only the Fates can tell when this story will be done.

Fear and Faith

Sitting and waiting looking for hope
Only to find myself at the end of a rope

Around my neck I feel it get tight
Twisting and turning I struggle and fight

The pain only gets worse when I refuse to give in
In the back of my mind I ask “why should I die for their made up sin?”

For I have harmed none and given only what I have received
Yet they persecute me, take me from my home and tell me to leave

When I refuse they curse and hang the rope high
Yelling, “Kill the Witch, the Witch must die!”

One last breath before my world goes dark
Out of the corner of my eye I see a spark

From the Earth she rises to the Heavens above
Around me I feel her kindness and Love

She looks at those who dare judge I should die
Taking me in her arms, she releases me with a sigh

Holding me tight she turns and looks around
Not a single creature dares to make a sound

Those who judged me cower down in fear
Begging and pleading with the lady who chooses not to hear

Her cauldron burst forth bubbling with knowledge of what’s to come
Justice for all and mercy for some

The Goddess dealt with those who had done her wrong
And now they are remembered only in song.

Elements of Betrayal

Tepid, that is how you can describe how I feel towards her now. A love that was once strong and hot is now tepid and weak. It’s funny how feelings can change from day to day, like a roller coaster, up and down and around and around. Not sure how you are going to feel with the next hill until you are down it. Our love grew from a friendship that was as strong as a spider’s web. We had known for a long time that we were attracted to one another and we didn’t want to loose what we had, but as time went on we could not deny what was between us. It started out casual, dinner and a movie, or even just a night in watching television. Then that first kiss was, oh how to describe it, amazing only touches the tip of the ice burg. It was passion, fire, and ice all in one. She was my addiction. I could not get enough of her. Her scent, a mixture of jasmine and vanilla, lingered in my mind when I was not with her. When we would lie in bed her hair would fall over me when she laid her head on my chest. Lying there I would run my fingers through her long black tresses and stroke her shoulders telling her how much I loved her. Then the day came when I came home and she was sitting on the couch crying. I went over to her and asked her what was wrong but she would not answer me, she just got up, went into the bathroom and locked the door. Than night was the first night since we had been together that we slept apart, I in the bed and her on the couch. In the morning she greeted me as if nothing was wrong and the previous evening had never happened. I did not say a word and to this day I regret not pressing the issue. Days passed and nothing was said about why or what she was crying for. We both just ignored the fact that it had happened and went on with our life. Under my nose things were unraveling slowly like someone pulling that one string on a sweater. The night that it all went wrong started out as a normal day. I got up and got dressed and went downstairs to the kitchen where she was waiting on me with my breakfast ready. I leaned over the counter and gave her a kiss on the forehead before drinking my coffee, eating my toast, and heading out the door to the words I love you floating behind me upon my exit. Getting into my car I realized that she had not said one word to me that morning but running late for work I started the car and headed off. When lunch time rolled around I called home to check on her and see what her plans were for later that evening. I had a surprise for her that I had been waiting to give her until the right moment. When the answering machine came on I thought nothing of it, she often was outside in the garden or in the pool doing laps. Leaving a message for her to call me I ate my lunch then got back to work. At the end of the day with no call from her I began to wonder what was up. Calling her again on my cell as I headed home I still got no answer. Starting to worry I pushed the gas pedal harder until I was going 25 miles over the speed limit. Luckily there were no cops around to catch me. Upon pulling onto our street I notice a truck parked outside the house and two people sitting in it. Slowing down I pulled over in front of the neighbor’s house to see who it was. As the passenger door opened I noticed it was her. Shutting the door she turned around waved and said goodbye then went inside. Once the truck left I just sat there a moment wondering how I was going to handle this situation. Inside I just wanted to go in there and scream what the fuck are you thinking, but the rational side told me to go in calmly and ask her what was going on. Pulling away from the curb I go to my driveway and pull into the garage. Getting out I can hear her inside the house singing one of her favorite lullabies that her mother used to sing to her when she was little. Going into the kitchen she hears me and turns around and smiles at me with those beautiful lips and deep chocolate brown eyes. Slowly I can feel all of my anger and confusion seeping out of me. Walking over to her I take her in my arms and kiss her passionately and deeply. Then I smell it, another’s cologne. I stand back from her and look her in the eye and ask her,
“WHY?”
She just looks up at me and tells me she doesn’t know why but that she just felt she needed more. Turning from her I slump against the island. When she goes to touch me I shrug her off. Not knowing what to do I go up to our room and close the door. Sitting there for what seemed like hours, but in reality it was probably only a few minutes I can hear her climbing the stairs. Opening the door she comes in and sits down by me laying her hand on my leg. We say nothing for the longest time until finally I find my voice and ask her if it was over between us. Nodding her head she stands up and gets her suitcase from underneath the bed and begins to pack her clothes. While she is doing that I go to the closet where unbeknownst to her I have a gun. Taking it out I turn around and shoot her in the head. She never knew what hit her. Turning the gun on me I pull the trigger and it misfires. Walking over I sit on the bed and think of the life we had and the love that I gave her. Where had I gone wrong? Off in the distance I can hear the sirens wailing, louder and louder they get with each passing second. Knowing that my time was short I go downstairs and sit on the front porch until the first officer arrives. He gets out of his car and tells me to put down the gun or he will shoot. Raising the gun I point it at the officer…………………………..

Garden of Dreams

As I sat silently in the garden surrounded by the bright colors of red, yellow, pink, and orange I wondered what it would be like to be small enough to live in the petals of a rose. Lying back and letting their scent overtake me, I could imagine waking up and being the size of a thimble. Raising my arms to stretch I could feel the warmth of the sun radiate its heat into the flower, which sheltered me from the crisp morning air. Climbing out of the inner layers of the petals I come to rest atop the delicate yet hardy petals that I called home. Shaking the loose pollen out of my hair I slowly climbed down the stem, one thorn at a time, until I reached the ground. Once there I looked back up at my flower home and smiled. Turning I went through the blades of grass and past the anthill, following a path that would lead me to the Oasis of the Green. Hidden from those who had not been there before, it was a perfect haven of solitude for starting the day. Rambling over to the edge of the Oasis I sat down on my favorite rock. Running my hands over the smooth surface of the rock I can feel the wisdom of it flow into me. Telling me of the years it has been there with the Oasis and watching the seasons come and go, from Fall to Winter, Winter to Spring, Spring to Summer, and Summer to Fall, each one bringing a new sensation with it. The changing of the leaves, the crunch of the snow under foot, the arrival of new life, and the laughter of children at play, all bringing the year full circle. Looking up at the sun high in the sky I realized that the day was half gone. Standing up I go to the edge of the water and reach down and cup some in my hand and bring it to my mouth for a drink. The cool refreshing water slides down my throat, satisfying my thirst and making me realize that I had yet to eat that day. Going over to the berry bushes I pick one of the ripe blackberries, filled with juice and eat it like an apple due to my small stature. After eating I realize that I am tired and decide it is time to go home. Lazily I stroll back along the path, past the ant hill and through the blades of grass, up the tall stem, climbing one thorn at a time until I reach my rose petal dwelling. I lie down and think that life is certainly wonderful when you are small and can live in a rose while I fall into a peaceful slumber. Upon waking up I find myself lying in the garden of red, yellow, pink, and orange flowers under the ancient Oak tree, where the moss had been my pillow and the leaves my blanket, protecting me while I lie asleep in the Garden of Dreams.